VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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