Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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