Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
