I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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