i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We got so high we made milksteak
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
