Small penises have feelings too.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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