wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize