i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
