All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
