so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize