How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
