i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize