So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
