That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm getting married
To pizza
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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