We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
