I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
