It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
