you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
