so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
