I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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