KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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