I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
