Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
