Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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