I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
