why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
