This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
