you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
