This is not my ceiling
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize