she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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