Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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