I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
