i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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