She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
