I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wear drunk well.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
