Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
