Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
