Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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