Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
