If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
only if we run a train.
done.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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