Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
