Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
