I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize