I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
