I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is Oprah even human
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
