She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize