I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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