you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My cat gives me a boner
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
