Apparently you make a good broom.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
