I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
