i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
