Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
