The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
