There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
