the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
