i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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