i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
