Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
