UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
