My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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