he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
