You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i came on her dog
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
