just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
